I am a professional reminder-er and permission granter who moonlights as an artist, author, and speaker. I enjoy Star Wars, soft t-shirts, and brand new tubes of paint. My wife Kim and I homeschool our three weird kids and live in Wisconsin, where we eat way too many cheese curds.
Greetings from Sheboygan, where today I am exhibiting and live painting at the Midsummer Festival of the Arts from 10:00 am - 4:00 pm at the John Michael Kohler Arts Center downtown! If you're in the area, come say hi
Kim and I were on our way to San Diego. For reasons known only to Delta, our seats got reassigned, and we were split up. Considering that part of the reason for our trip was to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, and because we still actually like each other, we looked for an opportunity to switch seats with another passenger.
I was in the middle seat, and a lady sat in the aisle seat next to me. Kim, herself in an aisle seat one row behind, asked the woman if she wouldn't mind swapping spots so we could sit together.
None of us was in any kind of preferred seating. No First Class, Comfort Plus, or exit rows involved. And yet the woman hesitated, immediately exhibiting a perturbed attitude, as if Kim had requested both kidneys and another vital organ to be named later.
Picking up on her prickly vibe, Kim calmly but firmly responded to the woman with four words: "You can say no."
After a short pause, which perhaps provided the time to realize she wasn't losing anything in this exchange, the woman willingly switched places without any further incident or passive aggression.
Now, I don't know this lady.
Maybe she was feeling settled and didn't want the hassle of moving.
Maybe she really has a thing for seat 21D.
Maybe she was disappointed that she wasn't going to get a chance to hit on me.
All I know is that Kim's short reply felt like such a baller move.
And it was. Not in some sort of "I'm going to bully you into this" or "I'll share this on social media to shame you in front of the world" sort of way. Rather than an attempt by Kim to exert some kind of power, it was an act of generosity in which she gave power away.
It's easy to go from one choice to the next, feeling like we are a tiny vessel whipped to and fro by the waves of life, forever at the mercy of our boss, our kids' school, the government, the airline, or the passenger one row behind us.
Maybe for this woman, it felt like one more example of having to bend to the whims and wishes of someone else. Another moment of feeling powerless.
And with one simple statement, Kim gave her a gift.
"You can say no."
Four words that gave her permission to pause and be reminded that she has agency over her choices and life. In this case, I'm grateful for her yes. But I'm glad she allowed me to reflect on how difficult it is for us to say no.
We forget how much power we have. Sure, sometimes there are dire consequences for ignoring certain directives. But they are far fewer than we presume.
You really don't have to say yes to every invitation, opportunity, or request for help.
You really don't have to say yes to the offer to join the board, accept the position, or sign your kid up for one more thing.
You really don't have to say yes to that social event when you were looking forward to a quiet weekend you so desperately need.
And you know what? You don't even have to give a reason. You can simply thank them for thinking of you and tell them it's not going to work out this time.
We can say no. We can change our minds. We can choose to reverse course and abandon this path we started down, but no longer want to follow.
It's ok.
You can say no.
π€ I wonder...what's something you needed permission to say "no" to this week? Hit reply to share your thoughts with me, or join the conversation in the Escape Adulthood League!
Stay young and stay fun,
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P.S.
Want to have the #BestSummerEver? You can still watch the first, second, third, and fourth installments of our special 4-part series of Escape Adulthood LIVE for some valuable, actionable tips. Each episode also has a captivating process video that shows an illustration from The Penguin Who Flew come to life!
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I am a professional reminder-er and permission granter who moonlights as an artist, author, and speaker. I enjoy Star Wars, soft t-shirts, and brand new tubes of paint. My wife Kim and I homeschool our three weird kids and live in Wisconsin, where we eat way too many cheese curds.
View this online β’ Get this from a friend? Subscribe here! 2025 Issue #32 πΆ Happy Sunday, Reader! Greetings from...Alaska, where the Kotecki family is returning from a much-needed vacation. I'm sharing an article I wrote waaaay back in 2011 because it recounts one of my first visits to this great state and offers a lesson still relevant today... When we booked our first speaking gig in Alaska, neither Kim nor I had ever heard of a babymoon. According to the hip kids these days, a babymoon is...
View this online β’ Get this from a friend? Subscribe here! 2025 Issue #31 π Happy Sunday, Reader! Greetings from Sheboygan, where I am putting the final touches on the new paintings I'm planning to debut at Wondernite next month. I hope you can make it! "Yep, they're dead." The confirmation came from the woman at the nursery after seeing the photos Kim shared of two of our cherry trees. It wasn't a surprise, but it also cemented the fact that we'd lost even more time. A few years earlier,...
View this online β’ Get this from a friend? Subscribe here! 2025 Issue #30 π€’ Happy Sunday, Reader! Greetings from Sheboygan, where I am thrilled that my original painting "The Prepper" (seen above) has flown away to a perfect new home! Now, on to an uncomfortable question... Are you sabotaging your own success and happiness? We recently exhibited at the Midsummer Festival of the Arts in Sheboygan. I'm no stranger to this sort of thing, between participating in art fairs and the gift shows we...
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